I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
