ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
