Moan for me like Helen Keller
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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