Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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