i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
