You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
