Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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