Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
