I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
