I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
