you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
