I heard we made out
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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