just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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