Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
