how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
