so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
