im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
