just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
