I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
