in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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