Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
