from now on my penis is your penis
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
