she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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