Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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