I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
