I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
