this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
