if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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