Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
