There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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