Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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