i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
