its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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