She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
