i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Its about making memories worth repressing
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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