you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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