You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
