she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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