I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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