i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
