Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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