I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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