How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
