its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
