I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
