Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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