i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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