I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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