the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
