At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
