i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Success! We fucked roommates!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
