My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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