Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
